Being True to You

I have spent a lot of my adulthood so far, most of it actually, running away. In running away I thought I'd find myself. I did occasionally have breakthroughs but they were far outweighed by how many times I just got farther away, from friends, family, support networks, and by extension finding myself. I am not suggesting you shouldn't travel, because it was not just a physical distancing, but also a mental one I was taking part in. Travel is a wonderful experience. It opens your eyes to new ideas and ways of life. There is no perfect way to describe it. Some of my friends inform me travel is not for everyone. This may be true. Some people live perfectly happy lives in the comfort of their hometowns, or in a generational home, or just in the seductive comforts of sleepy little towns or suburbia. I would never be happy with so much of the familiar in my life even now. I need adventure and changes of scenery. I want to truly experience so many different things. I have complete respect for people who live smaller (but not lesser) lives and can be happy in that way of living. I also have come to realize more recently that there is a group of people who want to live a lot larger lives than me. These are the ones that when faced with the same challenges as me through living far outside their comfort zones, in another country in fact, have come to the realization they would never be happy to just go home. For them, this has become home... and not just here, but anywhere that they can find startling new adventures. They might not even need a home; I'm not really sure. I have utmost respect for people who live happily this way too.

I have often thought that I found my home inside of myself and this was what allowed me to travel around, and pick a new life somewhere new every few years. I have come to realize that this is not in fact the truth. I have many homes. It is like I have unceremoniously hacked off bits of my own heart and strewn them across provinces, countries, and continents with much less knowledge and purpose than John Chapman and his famous applesseeds. Yet, I don't feel remorse over this decision. I have so many homes. What draws me to each one is the people I love, the scenery I have come to adore, and the simplicity of everyday living in the midst of much greater adventures. I love adventure and I love simple comforts. I love the middle road. My life is not too big and not too small. It's just right! I like to go to the places the wind whispers in my ear. Right now it is whispering I should go home to Canada. Within that I need to clarify I will be going home to Manitoba not going home to British Columbia, although I love my 2 homes in BC dearly! I will miss my home in Thailand, but the truth is I cannot stay anywhere forever! I need space to wander and roam and follow the switchbacks of the middle road. I love my many homes; they are a special part of who I am.

I want to warn you though, despite what people tell you, the middle road isn't for everyone. Some people belong in smaller lives and some belong in much bigger ones. Buddha said it best,

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”

 

Believe and do only what agrees with your soul. Feeling at home doesn't happen when you run away from the place you call home. It happens when the time and place are right for you, in the moment of realization that you are content with what you have, and you accept yourself exactly as you are.